My name is Dennis, and this is my shitty food blog. I always hated the idea of becoming a food blogger — the idea just really turned me off, but I’ve joined your ranks, you assbags. I’ve seen enough self-important hacks to know I don’t want to be one of them. All the mommies writing about their cute kids and their little foibles, the snobs who think they’re better than you for having eaten at El Bulli (even though I’m sure it’s awesome), all the people with expensive cameras who can’t write beyond a 1st grade level, you all drive me nuts.
Moral of the story: Don’t be an asshole.
If I ever get that way, call me out on it. I’d like to stay honest, enjoy food, the fun stuff that happens with it and roll with the flow — and never stop laughing. Everybody takes this shit way too seriously. If you don’t have a genuine reason to laugh, then you’re doing it completely wrong. My style is easy food, slightly elevated, accompanied with a bunch of dirty-ass jokes.
Oh yeah, and guess what?
I actually LIKE Big Macs. And no, I’m not fat. Yet.
Hey, if you want to give me a shout out, contact me at bitch at cookbitch.com, or follow me on Twitter.